The Return of Club Yaoi (sorta)
by Mistress Strife
Summary: This is just a crazy lil fic I made one day when I got inspired after being in the shower for a while. Its mostly dealing with Final Fantasy VII


CY returns! __

*Click*

Television set turns on.

"I love you…you love me…"

__

Screen suddenly becomes fuzzy and when it clears, the viewer sees Kagetsuya, that blonde beauty from Earthian, sitting behind a desk, several papers in his hand and an oh-so-Kagetsuya-serious look on his face. Next to him sits Chihaya, smiling and waving at the camera.

Kagetsuya: "We interrupt your normally scheduled…and horribly terrifying…broadcasting to bring you a special message…"

Chihaya: "As you probably already know, there used to be a show in this very time slot and it was very cool and popular and plus I liked it! ^^ However, due to uh…um…*blush*…"

Kagetsuya: "…due to the amount of situations involving sexual matters…"

Chihaya: "Uh, thanks Kagetsuya…*gives a grateful smile to his lover*…yes, due to that, the baka network took the show off...grr…so the producer of the show/club/fic (whatever ya want to call it) decided that she will deny the network and bring you lovely people what you want!"

Kagetsuya: "And they can't do anything about it because she very cleverly has all the doors to the building blocked by Dilandau, Farfello, Rosiel, Mad Hatter, etc. So without further ado, we present to you…"

Chihaya: "The return of Club Yaoi™! Yea!!"

*Fade out*

**The Association of Peace and Love is proud to present…**

…brought to you by Ohtori Academy…

The Return…Of…

CLUB YAOI

Lyn walks on to center stage which is surrounded by lots and lots of bishonens *drools*, all members of the club (of course).

Lyn: "Ohayo boys and girls, gays and bis toooo…"

__

Music begins to play, sounding very much like that famous "Mickey Mouse Club" song.

Yaoi Club!

Yaoi Club!

What's the club that's made for gays and bis like you and me!

C-L-U-B Y-A-O-I 

Hey, there! Hi, there! Ho, there! 

You're as welcome as can be! 

C-L-U-B Y-A-O-I

Club Yaoi! 

Club Yaoi!

Club Yaoi!

Clamp rulz! (I dun know, it fits and I suck at song parodies! lol)

Forever let us write about boys getting high!

Come along and join the fun and laugh at Saionji (sorry Mich!)

C-L-U-B Y-A-O-I

Lyn: "For today's episode, I am going to venture into some new…well…ok…not-so-new territory. Ya see, I noticed that in Final Fantasy VII (I bet ya all say that coming, didn't ya?) there are no female SOLDIERs! I mean, whats up with that? So I decided to go and politely enlist myself…"

*Flash to scene of Lyn chasing Shinra employees with Farfello on a leash. "Sic 'em boy!"*

Audience: *sweatdrop*

Lyn: "And so now I'm officially in. *takes off sunglasses and pauses as everyone ooh's and ahh's at her blue mako eyes* So its all cool now cause I get to hang with my fav bishies! Oh yea, life is gooood!"

*Fade Out*

The screen fades back in to reveal the SOLDIER shower stalls. Steam flows up from pretty much everywhere and the cameraman has to keep on wiping the steam off the lense in order to give us a clear image.

Lyn walks in, very big grin on her face, once again admiring her uniform, ignoring the freaked-out looks be given to her by the boys who have their heads stuck out of the stalls, wondering what the hell this girl is doing in their shower room.

Lyn: "Well, since I'm the only girl here, it seems stupid for them to create a separate shower room, so being the nice people that they are (after threatening them that I would force them to wacth 24 hours straight of non-stop Pokemon episodes otherwise), they allowed me to have my own little private stall."

Lyn enters it (note: it's A LOT better looking than all the others and isn't falling apart like the majority of the rest are) and pulls the curtain tightly closed.

Lyn: "And all of you hentais better not try getting a peak cause I have ways of dealing with your type…*holds up Pokemon ad high above the curtain so everyone can see* Besides, I would think you all would be too busy getting peaks at each other than to deal with me."

As soon as Lyn says that, there is the sudden sound of curtains being quickly closed, revealing how many boys were in fact, trying to get peaks without anyone noticing. Lyn grins, pleased with herself.

Silence suddenly falls over the room as Sephiroth enters, Cloud right by his side. (well, the only way he wouldn't be would be if Lyn didn't write this, and since she did…ehehehe…) Sephiroth heads over to his reserved stall, takes off his clothes in a very fluid motion and enters it. Cloud wacthes him for a moment, sighs, and then heads over to an empty stall.

There is silence except for the running of water. Lyn wacthes all of this, head peaking out of the curtain, totally enjoying herself, btw. 

Sephiroth: *very loudly so that all can hear* "Ahem."

Suddenly all the other boys turn off the showers, put their clothes on as fast as they can (some of them ended up with certain items on backwards) and ran quickly out of the room, leaving just Seph, Cloud…and Lyn.

Lyn: "Uh…does that mean I have to leave too?" *makes sad puppy-eyed face*

Cloud: *suddenly wipes his head over the curtain top, eyes wide* "A g-g-girl?! Whats she doing in here?!"

Lyn: "Hiya! ^_^ Don't mind me, I'm just a lil yaoi fan girl, I'll be very quiet, you won't even notice I'm here, guranteed! Trust me, I'm one of the biggest supporters for you two! I mean you two are just soooo kawaii together! ^_^"

Cloud: "You like to '^_^' a lot don't you?"

Lyn: "Yep! ^_^"

Lyn puts her head back into the shower and starts lavering up some of her Herbal Escenses (she's got the urge to herbal!). Things are quiet…too quiet…

She pops her head back out, curious and finds Cloud doing the same thing, starring at the curtain to Seph's stall, sighing sadly. 

Lyn: "Hm…interesting…"

She looks down at her bottle of shampoo, then to Cloud, then to Seph's stall.

Lyn: "Hm…Herbal Essences…Cloud…Sephiroth…hm…"

Suddenly out of nowhere, a brainstorm hits Lyn…in fact it hits her so hard that she is unconscious for an entire minute. Quickly regaining herself, Lyn grabs the bottle and sticks her head back out.

Cloud's stall just so happens to be right next to Lyn's. (Concidence or did Lyn plan it that way? Hm…we'll let you decide on that…) 

Lyn: *whispering* "Hey Cloud-chan…"

Cloud: "Eh?"

Lyn hands him the bottle of shampoo.

Lyn: "Here. Go knock yourself out."

Cloud: *blinks several times and stares at the bottle* "Is this supposed to be some type of hair joke?"

Lyn: "No, its not for you…ya see, I just can't stand the thought of Seph using some horrible men's shampoo on that beatiful hair of his! I think this would do much more nicely, don't ya think? So…it gives ya a perfectly good excuse to go over there, ne? ^_^"

Cloud: *grins* "Ya know what…I like the way you think." 

Very happy with herself, Lyn closes the shower curtain but leaves just enough space open so she can wacth.

Cloud carefully sneaks over to Seph's stall, being extra careful in not making any sounds, wanting to surprise Sephiroth (not an easy thing to do!). Lyn has a smile plastered on her face, so big that it would put Chichiri's mask to shame. 

Cloud slowly opens the curtain and Seph is so relaxed because of the warm water that he actually doesn't notice this. (wow…Cloud must have had practice at this to be able to do that!) He squeezes some of the infamous shampoo into his hand and brushes his other hand through Seph's long, beatiful, absolutely stunning, gorgeous, lovely, you get the point, silver hair, while pressing his lithe body up against Seph's back.

Cloud then proceeds to wash Seph's hair and Sephiroth simply turns around, smirks, holds Cloud tight and lets him continue.

Sephiroth: "Mm…Cloud, should've known you'd do something like this…wait…Herbal Escenses…I didn't know you…"

Cloud points in Lyn's direction. Sephiroth gazes over, sees a blushing Lyn, grins seductively, and then closes the curtain, taking both him and Cloud out of Lyn's sight.

Lyn blinks a few times, laughs slightly and goes back to washing herself. She suddenly freezes when moaning is suddenly heard from the only other occupied shower.

Cloud: "Mmnnhhh…Sephy…*gasping and panting*"

Lyn then decides that a warm shower ain't such a good idea anymore and quickly turns the dial so that cold water is coming out and starts humming DDR's "Butterfly". 

Sephiroth: "_Ah…_aishiteru Cloud…"

Cloud: "*gasp* ai *pant* ai-i-shi… *gasp* shiteru…koi…*loud moan*"

Sephiroth: "Hm…lets see what else this shampoo can be used for, shall we?"

Lyn's eyes widen. "They wouldn't…oh what am I saying! Of course they would!!"

She proceeds to hum every DDR song she knows (which is quite a lot, btw) at a very fast tempo and rather loudly while very VERY loud moaning and groaning can be heard from the other stall.

Try as she might, it doesn't prevent much and Lyn soon finds herself suffering from a nosebleed.

The next day…

Akira the jaintor (yes, the same one mentioned in "Scenes From an Elevator" ^^) waddled into the abandoned shower room, mumbling something about "stupid Ohtori" "stupid Shinra" and how he hates his job.

He proceeds through the room, mop in hand until he reaches the stall with a sign on it that says "Out of Operation. Akira, take care of it, will ya?" He grumbles and pulls back the curtain and blinks several times, feeling slightly nascious.

The shower is apparently clogged up and the entire bottom is covered in blood…a lot…of…blood. 

The jaintor begins to mumble again as he waddles over to another shower with the a very similar sign on it as well, figuring that there will probably be blood in this one too. He opens the curtain but doesn't see any blood at all…there is a distinct smell of Herbal Escenses and something all-to-obvious…

"Oh. My. God."

Sometime later…

Lyn slowly opens her eyes to find herself laying in a bed in the infimary, finally regaining conscious. A nurse comes in and tells her about how she was brought here by Seph and Cloud after they found her unconscious, covered in blood in the shower. She is quite delighted to hear that the two of them both contributed some of their own blood for her sake.

Lyn: "Woah! That is so kewl, man!" 

Nurse: "Uh…right…now if you'll excuse me I've got to take care of another patient. Its quite odd actually, he was found in the exact same condition as yourself in fact, he was also in the shower room…"

The nurse walks over and checks up on a very unconsicious Akira the jaintor who upon waking up, mumbles something about…well…you don't want to know, trust me. ^^;

*Fade out*

*Fade back to Club Yaoi™ stage*

Lyn bounces onto the stage.

Lyn: "Oh yea, I've got S&C blood in my veins, oh yea, oh yea! Who's the otaku now, baby? Whoo…"

Her cheering is interupted by the sounds of yelling and screaming coming from outside the studio. Lyn glances towards the noise nervously.

Lyn: "Uh oh…looks like they brought in the armed forces. I better hurry before there's any blood spilled."

*Splash*

*Scream*

*Squash*

Insane laughter can be heard, coming from more than one of Lyn's "guards".

Lyn: *sweatdrops* "Oh well, so much for that…well we better get going anyway…well, I think we all learned a valuable leason today. If you give two bishonens Herbal Escenses and stick them in the same shower, you might want to leave or otherwise suffer from massive blood loss. Ja minna, be good and do everything in the name of Peace and Love!"

Vash: "Hey, didn't I copyright that phrase?"

Lyn: *sweatdrop*

__

Music comes on again.

Club Yaoi!

Club Yaoi! 

C

L

U

B

Y

Lyn: "Why?! Because we're addicted to it, ya baka! Duh!"

A

O

I!!!

*Click*

"Go Speed Racer! Go Speed Racer! Go Speed Racer Goooo!"

Owari…

Lyn: "Or is it really? Heehee…"


End file.
